Chelsea Banned by BBC

BBC,Censorship,Football,Beautiful Game,

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Villa declare - Axis of Evil 2 - Chelski.

Prior to the recent match with Barcelona it is believed every Cheski
fan was issued with a Blue Flag to wave and then the Oiligarch made the
following speech.

"I truly believe we will not stand, in this stand, I mean shed, in
which we have stood, alone. We will all stand in those shoes together with
those of our fore-fathers who knew how to stand up when the shoe needs
to be stood in. And I say that, with many convictions, because I have
spoken with the other leader Mourinho".
Aide whispers (Its a seated stadium)
" Correction, we will not sh...sit, in this stool...shed.. stand, in
which we have stooled..stood, shh....sit alone. We will all sh...sit in
those shoes together with those of our fore-fathers who know how to sh..
up sit down when the shoe needs to be stooled..sh..sat in.
I'll let you Cheskians into a little secret," Abramovich leaned forward
and whispered: "I am not really Russian. My name's Martin Taylor and I
used to sell electrical items on Camden market on a Saturday. All these
stories about Mr Abramovich and where my billions came from; Hitachis
and Toshibas off the back of a lorry"
Chelski fans salute "You are the chosen one. All Hail Abramovich "

Following this speech a leading Manchester United director was
interviewed on the matter.
"Chelski are atheistic football fundamentalists" he declared
"Their understanding of capital flows amongst derivative funds in
emerging football markets is limited.They are an evil Empire" He added.
When it was pointed out to him that the outrage of accepting tainted
money for Wayne Rooney would bring benefits, he countered. "True, but
that's society for you. Society, the media in particular, sided with the
Devil's minions and painted us to be the villains of the peace. But
consider carefully what I said at the time of our takeover, many christians
receiving money from the syndicate or Christians donating to Chelskis
would have been rightfully mortified to know that Chelski was receiving
diabolical money from blasphemous activities. I have a duty to point
out their error."
Under threat of intimidation, picketing and the possibility of being
shet upon by 40,000 Chelski fundamentalists in hob-nailed dirty football
boots new FA PC legislation would also prevent him from calling Chelski
Satanists. "Well, they are," he spat, leaving a shower of prawn coctail
crumbs all over the melamine table top. Demonic, I reminded him.
"Exactly. The festival of Diwali is a Satanic construct, you can read that on
my many yoo website ["Diwali — A Parent's Guide"]. There's no need for
me to repeat things here."
Abramovich when later interviewed, said he was sick of being portrayed
as part of the so-called back axle of evil. The Czar stroked his white
Russian doll as he spoke of his dismay at being labelled secretive and
power hungry. He went on to say he was merely shy and very
misunderstood. Only once when questioned about this, with a sudden outburst
dispensing with his Aide he said: "Can you no see I am patient man, but even
the patience of Saint will not last for ever.

The Emperor of Chelsea, Jose Mourninho, issued a proclomation,on the
traditional blue papyrus from the solid-gold throne from which he gives
his pre-match briefings while being fanned by naked West London slaves,
"The Pope has ordered that four "special envoys" from the Sicilian
church of St Corleone be sent to Chelsea immediately. After all Roman has
done for the Russian oil industry?When I speak to my mother she always
tells me: 'that man Roman he is a good boy, he has a duff way of
givining his money'. Millions of televisions viewers saw the reticent Roman
show his human side when he paid the hopeless Ranieri millions and
millions of pounds just to get rid of him. If you people dont like it , why
dont you got over to the other oil-rich london club on the planet Uranus
at the Emirates stadium."

"Furthermore on other Empire matters, His excellency has decided not to
carry out his threat to execute Frisk's family and we issue the
following warning to combatants suppositories are potentially deadly, anal
capsules are highly addictive, you can become hooked on them, for example,
some time before Mutu was fingered he was engaged in some form of
substance misuse, with a rectal rush provided by these evil things. Being a
family orientated club, we wish to set the highest possible example, as
the matter raised concerns that suppository abuse is becoming
widespread amongst the country's top Premiership stars, sophisticated "masking"
agents are being employed to avoid positive test results. We at Chelsea
conduct daily botty swabs to stamp this out. We believe however that on
the Planet Uranus, agents such as extra hot vindaloo curry and spicy
chilli fajitas are being consumed to throw authorities off the scent.
This has come to light after a session of putting my latest band!
of mercenary cohorts through attacking manoeuvres and defensive
tactics with Cashley Cole. I will further be randomly executing one in ten
of my merchandising staff for disappointing replica kit sales in the
first two months of the new season." When asked a question by a reporter
he replied "What the fk!? Nobody questions me, nobody I tell you. I'll
have your footballs fed to the reserve team for this, Goodnight Tehran"