Funny Accents Censored by BBC

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New 606 circus discovers people who write with funny accents
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The UK media industry, based exclusively within Greater London, is on
the cusp of a linguistic revolution, we can reveal.

Following a series of successful test programmes featuring a man from
"Wales" reading the news and a young gentleman from the city of
"Newcastle" as a narrator, BBC sporthosts have decided to allow more people who
speak funny onto our 606 computer screens.

The dramatic change will bring mainstream media in line with the more
culturally aware media programmes such as drama, which have enjoyed the
ironic nature and peculiar philosophy of those that live above the
Watford Gap for many years now.

"I have already signed one man from Liverpool, where the football club
is," one producer confided. "He sounds just like John Lennon used to
talk, which is great because we're planning a 60s season from the
autumn."

"I've got one from Scotland," another excitedly explained. "It's either
Glaswegian or from Edinburgh. I can't understand a word it says, but
then that's all the rage with this new approach to inclusive
programming."

The startling trend is believed to have stemmed from BBC Messageboard
host Chris Russell, who, taking an ironic holiday in Britain in 2006,
came across an enormous number of people who were able to communicate
with each other but did so in a most peculiar manner.

Sporting a black poloneck and light-grey sports jacket, Russell said
"However, I soon realised they were talking English but in a funny
accent. I was appalled at the time but I later realised the untapped
potential for using these people to appeal to their own kind."

Since that dream, Russell has faced an enormous amount of criticism
from within the media concerned about "dumbing-down" and the continued
inclusion of non-Oxbridge candidates in the industry, but has ultimately
triumphed.

However, while people with "regional accents" — as they have become
known — are now allowed on the screen,New BBC 606 bosses told us there are
no plans to move the industry itself out of London. "Can you imagine
what would happen?" one asked rhetorically. "I mean, we've got one or two
spots in Manchester and Nottingham because it's cheaper up there, but
can you seriously imagine people from outside London making decisions
about what programmes appear on our screen? It would all be about pigeons
or rap music or working-class football players — and all without a drop
of condescension."